As the world moves towards reopening, outings remain limited and most of our time will still be spent at home. Between sharing space and dealing with stress for long periods of time, tensions at home may be running high. Parents are looking for means to balance competing needs and encourage their family to make the most of unplanned togetherness.
One of the best ways to get ahead of conflict is to set up clear rules at a time when everyone is calm. For instance, if your kids always fight over who gets to pick what to watch on TV, you can create a schedule together and post it in a place where everyone can see it. Maybe the kids trade off days or half-hour time slots. You can do the same thing for deciding which sections of the day are “quiet hours”, sharing toys, washing dishes, picking routes on a walk, or any other activity. Additionally, it’s important for all adults to include their scheduled time or work hours as well.
Once your agenda is set, it can take some time to get used to following it. During that period, it’s essential to reinforce the behavior you want and avoid focusing too much on the behavior you don’t want. You might remind your child of the rules when they’re having trouble sticking to them, but it’s best not to spend a lot of time scolding or arguing. Do the same for yourself, acknowledging your successes will help you stick to your goals. Positive reinforcement might be a reward like extra screen time, a special meal, a high five, or an enthusiastic “good job”. Especially for younger kids, even small bursts of attention and affirmation from parents can really help children follow your guidelines.
Be clear about the difference between roles. Maybe one child still has homework while the other doesn’t, or maybe the adults get to go out more frequently while a child cannot.
Additionally, older siblings may have had to take on new responsibilities like babysitting younger siblings and helping out around the house more than before. Be prepared: with families still spending most of their time together, it can be especially easy for kids to point out and say: “Why do they get different rules? It’s not fair!”
Don’t forget to give yourself and your family a break. Especially during the week when both you and your children need down time. Recognize your family members may need some time alone as well as restful time together.
Know it’s understandable that under these stressful circumstances, kids’ media use will likely increase. Kids are missing their school friends or other family. Encourage video chats and calls with their peers. This is also a great opportunity get closer with your household family. Use media together: watch show or a movie of someone else’s choice, play a video game together, or learn about something your child is passionate about. Small actions of kindness can help everyone keep a positive outlook.
To keep your home running smoothly, here are simple steps to help you manage:
- Find Consistency
- Define Roles and Rules
- Seek Solutions and Create Small Goals
- Model Coping Behavior
- Reward Teamwork
- Listen, Validate, and Use “I” Statements
- Avoid Personal Attacks and Provide Prospective
- Take Breaks
- Think Ahead in Order to Tackle Tricky Situations