Have you ever felt like an outsider, cut out of the loop on an important decision, or thwarted in your attempts to improve a situation that definitely needed to be improved? Even if your good ideas were exactly what a particular group could benefit from using, possibly there was a powerful insider or a few entrenched keepers of the status quo who found a way to shoot down your suggestions.
According to Leonard Felder, Ph.D., author of the book Fitting-in is Overrated, “You are not alone”. According to the author: most innovative, smart women and men have felt as if their good ideas were bumping against heavy resistance. Resistance from people who feel threatened by anyone who’s suggesting even the most realistic and positive changes.
It might be a situation in your extended family where you have some outstanding ideas on how to improve the next family gathering, but a certain powerful relative tends to veto anything that alters “the way we’ve always done it before.” -Or at work you might have a creative new solution to a long standing problem, but one of the higher ups is opposed to any changes you suggest.
Becoming more effective as an agent of change
In his book Felder suggests a variety of creative ways to get your ideas included and taken seriously; in groups, families, and organizations that have been hesitant about change for many years. Here are three realistic steps that can improve the clout and impact you have in any situation where you have great ideas:
1. Start by taking the chip off your shoulder
Many people who have been treated like an outsider in their family, workplace, volunteer activities, etc. tend to get a chip on their shoulder – an attitude that communicates to the group, “I know you’re not going to like what I’m about to say, but here goes anyway.”
The suggestion: “Rather than sabotaging your own good ideas with a resentful presentation, why not try something new.” Say to yourself, “My idea is good. I can definitely help this group, family, or organization. My biggest challenge is to find the right allies, the right wording, and the right timing for building a supportive consensus.”
2. Find your insiders and brainstorm
Usually when a person looks at tight-knit group, he or she thinks they are all in agreement and that no one will ever have the courage to step outside the status quo and support any changes. But if you look carefully at any group, family, or organization you will find a few innovative insiders who have the wisdom and the strength to break with the pack to support needed changes.
Identifying those few insiders who are willing to align themselves with an insightful outsider is crucial to whether or not your good ideas will be heard and taken seriously. Build an alliance with one or two individuals who have the clout to influence those who is most resistant to making any changes. Only when you have the backing and support of these important allies can your excellent ideas receive the hearing and consideration they deserve. Call or have lunch with these insiders which you find are smart and secure enough to back you up.
3. Preemptively inform individuals that you aren’t changing everything
Ahead of time, tell the most rigid or cautious individuals that you aren’t trying to disrupt or change most of the things they cherish. You are offering a helpful solution to one specific problem that almost everyone knows could use some improvement.
Rather than seeing the cautious or stubborn insider as an all-powerful giant, consider for a moment that this flesh-and-blood human being might actually be quite insecure or quite afraid of losing something if changes are made. This person will need some reassurance from you and others so that he or she knows you aren’t trying to shift too many things that are familiar and comforting to this person. You may need to tell him or her, “We definitely want to keep most of the traditions the way they’ve always been, but we’re just trying out a temporary experiment to see if we can improve this one particular aspect that hasn’t been working lately.”
Using this kind of compassionate, gentle, reassuring approach will often help an entrenched insider to see that your outsider insights are not as threatening as they first thought they might be.